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You have no idea how complicated it was to talk to a divorce lawyer! Needless to say he was more on my wife’s side than mine. He had the damned audacity to say that I should give up Sex! He went on to mumble something about me getting my priorities right! The nerve of the man! I was in a fit of rage when I left his office, let me tell you! Me give up Sex, never! When I got back to the car I found the Sex had got bored and chewed up her leash. No problem, I stopped at the pet shop on my way home. I did it again, didn’t I? ‘Good evening, Sir! What can I do for you?’ said the very nice comely young lady behind the counter. ‘Good evening to you too, Miss! I would like a nice studded collar and a strong chain lead for Sex, please, Miss.’ ‘Certainly, Sir! Would you like sharp or blunt studs? Me and my boyfriend likes the sharpens! They scratch lovely, they does.’ ‘I want them for my, Bitch!’ ‘Oh! Sir! You are like my boyfriend! The things he does call me when he his aroused!’ I came out of. "Well, don't just giggle like a fool, Larry, dig it up," she said impatiently.Still laughing, I knelt down and followed her instructions. "And this is your idea of security, sugar?" I chortled. "Remind me never to give you my life's savings to protect. I mean, all it would take would be a curious squirrel—" Hey, fuck you and the horse you rode in on," she snapped, sounding genuinely offended. "Just fucking dig, asshole."I got my laughter under control quickly. This was sure no time to piss her off. As I continued digging—which wasn't as easy as it sounded, the ground was pretty thoroughly packed—I thought it wise to back off. "I'm sorry, honey," I told her contritely."It's OK, darling," she said after a minute. "Look, I was a little rushed. I did it that last night; I'd just finished setting Bobby up with the cops and the reporters and I was on my way to meet him. I was living right over there"—I looked up and saw a high-rise luxury apartment building—"and it didn't seem smart to.
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